you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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