How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
