I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
