Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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