Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
