Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
