BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
