he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
