Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
