just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
