Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
