It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
