I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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