I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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