I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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