You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
