I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
