There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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