The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
