The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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