4 words: hood of his car
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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