i need an iv and a liver transplant
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
