I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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