she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
