dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The air was thick with penises
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
