i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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