What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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