The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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