I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
