Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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