dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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