tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
