So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
