3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Terrible idea I love it
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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