I just cut my nipple shaving
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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