You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
