i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
