i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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