Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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