How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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