y did u give ur computer a hand job?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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