Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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