ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
