Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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