my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
