I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
