I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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