i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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