shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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