I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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